Mom's Guide to Shifting to a Positive Mindset and Why it Works!
As a mom, every day you wake up you are constantly presented with new opportunities, experiences, lessons and new challenges. Whether they are positive or negative is usually always determined by your mindset.
The mindset you choose to embrace is what shapes your perception of your inner and outer world. It is what shapes your thoughts and beliefs and ultimately influences your behavior.
After having children, sometimes your mindset is affected and those old, new or altered thoughts and beliefs make your day to day experiences a little more difficult to deal with.
Research shows that the makeup of your brain changes for at least 2-6 years after giving birth. So, it is no wonder why we sometimes struggle with our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and our lives.
Throughout your motherhood journey, adopting a more positive mindset can be the light that helps guide you through your day to day experiences and challenges. Ultimately, positively reshaping your perception of things and influencing your behaviors.
What is Mindset?
Our Mindset is made up of our thoughts, beliefs and attitudes that we all hold. They have been shaped and formed from our experiences, education, cultures and environments.
It is those same thoughts and beliefs that lead us to interpret things the way we do and then behave accordingly. We interpret and perceive situations through our own lens, so holding a more positive set of beliefs and values about life will enable you to act differently and begin to improve your life.
Your mindset also affects how you overcome challenges and how you bounce back after facing them. It affects your self confidence, emotional well being and relationships. It affects your personal development and goals and even your long term health.
For instance, when your household is a mess and there are toys all over, dishes to be washed and laundry to fold, you immediately feel like you are not productive and conjure all these negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself.
When in reality, those 3 things that you did not have energy, or time to do was nothing in comparison to the other 300 tasks you completed that day.
Going grocery shopping, running errands, cooking 3 meals a day, getting children dressed, ready for school, paying bills, giving children a bath, helping with homework, playing with children, putting them to bed, healing them from sickness, the list could literally go on.
I did not even mention the things that is needed for you to care for your significant other (if you have) or more importantly yourself which most moms neglect.
But when we have a certain type of mindset, we tend to focus solely on those 3 things that did not get done.
It is time to start shifting our mindset to a more positive one, full of growth, positivity and abundance so it can change and influence the way we run our household and our overall quality of life.
Understanding Mindsets: Fixed vs. Growth
It is essential to first understand the key differences between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.
- Fixed Mindset: Just like the example above, Moms with a fixed mindset focus on the lack of. They believe they either have “it” or they don’t. That they are either already equipped with the mommy instincts and parenting skills or they aren’t. They view themselves in a negative light and are quick to judge themselves such as “I am not a good mother“. They have a fear of failure and struggle with overcoming challenges and bouncing back. Comparisons between other mothers usually has them feeling inadequate about their own parenting abilities and insecure about themselves.
- Growth Mindset: Moms with a positive growth mindset believe that their skills, abilities and talents can be developed and improved over time. They are usually much more confident and feel as though they are capable and strong enough to face adversity. And feel like when they do it makes them a much stronger and wiser Mama. Because, they understand every mothers journey is different, and it’s their own journey that matters; these mothers tend to flourish and thrive in their own way. They are not intimidated by others success but instead inspired by it.
The Steps in Shifting to a Growth & Positive Mindset:
Now that you are able to understand how mindset affects us; we can then dive into practical steps to help you begin shifting your beliefs, values and way of thinking.
Step 1: Self Awareness
In order to change our way of thinking and our habits and behaviors we must first be aware of them.
Begin acknowledging and recognizing how your current thought process, beliefs and attitudes has you showing up for yourself and your children.
Take some time out of your day when there is the least amount of distractions (usually morning or night) to really sit and think about your current mindset and belief system.
Is it full of growth, seeking opportunities, positivity and optimism or is it full of self limiting beliefs, doubts, fears, guilt and sadness. Or is it even a combination of both.
Write down some of the areas in your life where you feel like you wish you could be different.
Do you want to change feeling guilty when you want to finally do something for yourself? Do you hate that you feel like the world is always crashing down on you?
Thinking of some of the areas in your life you are not happy and putting them in order of what bothers you most, can be a great way to help you know where to start.
Step 2: Embrace Challenges
As moms, we probably encounter some type of challenge or unexpected twist and turn more than anyone else in the world on a regular basis.
Unfortunately, It is inevitable and because of that it would be much less stressful and taxiing on you if you start viewing challenges as opportunities.
Train yourself to see challenges as opportunities for growth, for learning and development and to see them as a way to build yourself up and make you that much stronger.
Viewing challenges in this light will make it easier for you to face them and bounce back from them.
Think to yourself, what is this trying to teach me in this moment. Journaling can be a great way to keep track of all the things you been through and how you overcame them when you need some inspiration or a little pick me up.
Just as there is always something to learn from every challenge. There is always a way either over, under, through or around every obstacle and challenge. You just need to be brave enough to see it that way.
Step 3: Focus on Growth & Progress
In today’s world we are so accustomed to instant gratification that we focus on the results and outcomes of situations. We do something and immediately want a reward or result to happen.
Most times motherhood is not necessarily something that comes with instant gratification and acknowledgement. Because of that it can sometimes leave us feeling even more bummed out and down.
We have been taught in our society that reaching the desired outcome is what determines our worth and level of success and only then can we be happy and proud of the work we have done. And it is just not true and not healthy!
Begin to cultivate a love for the journey and progress instead. To help shift your mindset you must begin to embrace the progress, the steps that you take everyday to operate on a higher level.
Even if you have not reached the end of the destination or outcome. Just “enjoy the ride” as they say. The amount of hard work, effort and dedication you pour into things is what should make you proud. Celebrate the progress all of the small wins and setbacks because they both add to your journey.
During motherhood don’t wait until your child finally grasps a concept, graduates or has a great job to feel proud of the work you and your child have done. Enjoy the teaching, the guiding, the bonding, the nurturing you provide along the way.
Don’t wait until you have it all together and are able to finally juggle the demands of being a mom, a wife and being you to be happy.
Begin embracing and appreciating all the beautiful moments on your current journey. Be proud of the process you are going through or had to go through to get to where you are. This shift in perspective helps you transition to a more positive mindset.
The problem wrong with goal and results first mentality is that, you are continuously putting off your happiness until that goal is reached.
Step 4: Practice Gratitude
Practicing Gratitude is one of my favorite tools in my mommy toolbox. It immediately puts me in a better mood and removes a lot of stress I would normally be carrying around.
Regularly reflecting on things you are grateful for helps you transform your mindset in such a huge way. Even being in the midst of challenging moments and still able to show gratitude can help you transform your mindset to a more positive one.
Instead of viewing everything as a struggle, take some time each day to acknowledge and appreciate the great things and not so great things in your life.
Focusing more on what you do have then what you don’t. Focusing more on what you can do then what you can’t and focusing more on who you are then who you are not.
Begin everyday, either writing or saying 3 things you are truly grateful for. And not the cliche surface level things, although those are blessings as well but digging a little deeper will help reap you maximum benefits.
Reflect back in a Gratitude Journal when you feel those fixed thoughts and beliefs creeping back in.
Step 5: Accept Criticism and Feedback
Until it becomes second nature, constantly remind yourself that feedback and criticism is separate from your self-worth and your potential. How others perceive you does not determine your worth. You determine it.
Be sure to separate the two and be aware of when someone is criticizing you and someone is criticizing your work or effort.
For example, if your husband says something about your cooking. Instead of going straight to, well I am a bad cook or bad wife or make it yourself comments. Ask questions and understand why he did not enjoy it. Maybe you really did pour too much salt or maybe he just did not enjoy it and that is okay but it does not mean you are all of these negative things.
I understand it is so much easier said than done, but if you begin to view information in this light it will help you improve your mindset and your happiness level.
Only you can control how you interpret information and only you can control your response to that information.
So, constantly seek feedback and embrace it as an opportunity to grow and develop your skills and knowledge. Understand and believe that there is always room for improvement in your life and don’t feel bad when someone else believes that too.
Step 6: Surround yourself with positivity
This is a biggie. I am sure you heard the saying “misery loves company”. Although, that gets more recognition. Positivity loves company too!
Instead of surrounding yourself in a toxic environment and with negative people with a fixed mindset that stunts your growth and advancement.
Begin being around positive, uplifting and empowering moms. Those are the type of women who can actually help make you feel better about yourself and more inspired to change.
It is a part of human behavior, there will always be people who will try to put out the light in your fire, especially when you are trying to better yourself and grow and it differs from their opinions and beliefs.
Just remember, sometimes God gives us visions and dreams that are meant only for us to see. Increasing the positive environments around you will help you shift your way of thinking.
When surrounded by other positive and successful moms, try hard not to compare yourself. Rather listen, learn and absorb their mindset, habits and behaviors so it can surely rub off on you.
Step 7: Prioritize self care and practice self compassion
As moms we often focus on taking care of others so much we neglect our own needs. The importance and benefits of self care reaches beyond just physical well-being – it also involves your mental and emotional health.
Create pockets of time throughout your day or week, where you can do some of the things you enjoy doing and are fulfilling to you.
Make sure practicing self compassion is one of them. Be gentle and kind with yourself. Embracing all of your imperfections can help prevent you from feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Both of which are associated with a fixed mindset.
Take the time to tend to your needs emotionally, mentally, physically will enable you to maintain and sustain a positive mindset.
Conclusion on Shifting to a Growth Mindset
Remember that shifting to a positive or growth mindset is a journey that takes time and effort.
However, by incorporating some of these simple habits and thought processes, you can slowly shift your perspective to live a happier and more satisfying life.
Understand that it is okay to have negative thoughts and feelings sometimes, because we are human. But try telling those same thoughts, “its time for you to go now!” “You can’t stay here!” And then balance those thoughts out with positive ones or choosing gratefulness instead.
Keeping a Mindset Journal can be extremely helpful in organizing your thoughts and reflecting on yourself so you are able to make the necessary changes.
So Moms, if you really want to thrive as a woman and in motherhood, start practicing these positive mindset tips and watch how your life transforms!
